I really want to find someone that I can spend my life with, but time after time I seem to end up with guys that treat me like dirt. It as if I am a magnet to these kinds of guys. Is there a way I can change my luck so that I can find someone who I like and who is nice? It is not by chance that you are attracting the men that you are attracting, but rather it appears that you are seeking such people and personalities. The Torah explains that a relationship between a man and a woman is like a fire. There are fires that burn, with the flames destroying everything in their midst, and there are the fires that warm, that glow, that illuminate. Your relationships sound like they are pretty fiery. They probably start out very exciting, very intense, and yet quickly taper off. Whereas, when you had met someone that was nice, kind and warm, you found that you were bored. Perhaps the problem is that you are looking for an intense flame but not recognizing that often the intensity is not coming from the right place.
That Time I Dated — and Dumped — a Nice Guy Just to See What It Was Like
If I were to make a checklist of all the patterns the guys I repeatedly dated in my late teens and early twenties had, it’d look like this:. Sure, these men were all awful and hopefully done their own soul-searching, but after going to therapy and reading up about my own hangups, I realized that I picked these types over and over again for a reason. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of dating the same type of bad man, there might be something bigger going on.
And if you can reduce your chances of dating a trash human or just different iterations of the same trash human , why not, right? Here are seven types of Bad Men you may be hooked on, and why you just can’t quit them:. One day, he’s sending you paragraphs at lightning speed, the next few days: nothing.
I can go to a party, and there’s always one person I’m most attracted to. If I date him, within a few weeks or a few months I discover he has the same As a result, many potentially wonderful relationships are cut off before ever being given from her bad boy and started dating a “good guy”, someone so totally different to her.
Suffice it to say that if you actually are one, there’s no need to declare it. Case in point: Redditor Between3and20eh ‘s decision to ask the online community: “Women who gave “nice guys” a chance how did it work out? Was a nice shy guy at first but upon getting into a serious relationship that was just for the public. Behind closed doors was a very insecure person. He had decent looks but was short and skinny with glasses. I didn’t mind and never used that against him but it affected his confidence and he took it out on everyone else.
Even after trying to work on it for months and always reassuring him he ended up cheating on me several times and then hid behind the nice guy victim thing. Went and told everyone that I was out of his league and just using him as a place to live and I had been the one cheating which wasn’t true.
Why Nice Guys Suck (and how to be much less sucky)
I once dated a really nice guy. He was funny, we had fun together, we had good chemistry — but something was off. You attract those who reflect your current state of being. When I think about my once nice guy, underneath our good times and our friendship was his lack of direction in his life. He always had big ideas, but never followed through with them.
I’m wary of the self-proclaimed ‘nice guy’ who thinks women should date them because they’re being nice. Being nice should be the bare minimum.
At the risk of sounding like your mother, I am going to make a strong case for why you have to date the Nice Guy. Not should. The Nice Guy. It is because it makes us as women look stupid and actually quite anti-feminist to not value what the Nice Guy brings to the table. Either way, his lack of killer instinct has acted as a turn-off.
Dominant CEO types, irresponsible artists, six-packed footballers and everything in-between. The problem is that if I look at it the qualities that these guys bought to the table did NOT align with my life goals. Yes, my life goals include hopefully being a good mum, a healthy bodied septuagenarian, and a competent Latin Dancer. To accomplish career goals you need a man who is supportive of them, your schedule, and who treats you with respect.
In fact, it makes me really angry. Sure you may think a challenging guy is hot. If you see yourself in an equal partnership with a man who is going to pitch in to help you out when you need it too I am going to advocate that you should date the nice guy.
Bored With Mr. Nice Guy
When it comes to being satisfied with guys and relationships , many women find them problematic in one way or another. Until you seek out the perfect guy, you’re faced with dudes who don’t want to commit, jerks who play with your heartstrings, then ghost you… and who could forget to mention the stage five clingers who won’t take a hint. You know the guy who I’m talking about: He’s irresistible AF and has enough charm to fill up an entire freaking bracelet.
The player ends up breaking your heart because he’s not satisfied playing just one game; the ass has to play two, or maybe even 10 at a time. The nice guy seems so refreshing when compared to the player.
Then, finally, I met a guy who treated me like a queen but I just wasn’t Is there a way I can change my luck so that I can find someone who I like and who is nice? I’m not Jewish, but I read Torah, in Torah Hashem says “you shall not believe.
Yet the relationship only gets worse and leads to failure. Why does this tend to happen so often these days? Read on! This is a post that has been long in the making. In fact, I could write a hundred articles on it. If you find yourself extremely frustrating in your intimate relationships, then this article is for you. This truly becomes your life-long struggle. How fun! Trying to reason with your partner when he or she is being irrational is an example of avoiding conflict.
I really wish someone would have taught me this truth when I was first learning how to date.
Why you have to date the Nice Guy
I chose the nice guy a few times. He was always very attentive and caring. Yet at one point he felt like the bad guy; either in his actions towards me or the arrangement that we had initially. At first I was nervous. How does one treat the nice guy? The nice guy that texts you the morning after the first date?
Or, to be more clear, your issues with the issues you think I have. Since you already did the Facebook thing, this was the best I could come up with. Sure, maybe some of them could have paid a little more attention to me at times, but those were issues specific to each of those relationships and not testaments to the overall characters of the men in question. They were all standup fellas, ethically speaking, regardless of their romantic shortcomings.
Love is confusing, at best, and there are no set rules to guarantee results because every person is different. The former Senior Editor of Strut Magazine and Passport Editor of enRoute, she has interviewed Justin Timberlake in the penthouse of the Chateau Marmont, talked film over tea with Keira Knightley and gone head-to-head with Kanye West in an unedited battle of the egos.
She has a Master’s degree in English literature from McGill and is currently working on her first book. Join the Conversation Facebook 6K Likes. Twitter 12K Followers. Instagram 0 Followers.
Why Women Find “Bad Boys” So Attractive, Even Though We Know They’re Trouble
Like, what? No drama? It gets scarier as things progress too. You think his kind gestures have an ulterior motive. Is he just trying to get in your pants?
On our first date we made fun of bad art at MoMA, and discovered that “Drain You” the worst from men by signing up to date a nice guy, even though I didn’t like him. “I’m intimidated by you,” he said, while we were making out on the twin.
In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags. The ones that are arrogant. The ones that lie, cheat, and lie again. The ones that withhold affection in order to gain power. How could I know that I have the tendency to do exactly this and yet continue to dive headfirst and knee-deep into the highs that come with catching the one who saves his affections only for the women ready to believe him? These men all share qualities that are not innately bad— in fact what makes these men appealing are the good qualities they all share: confident, outspoken, self-assured, aware.
But in no time, he reveals that that confidence was truly arrogance and a lack of concern for others. The outspokenness a mask for unapologetic tactless, rude and inappropriate outbursts. The awareness a tool for understanding and manipulating his captive audience. Well, women just like the challenge! Women inherently want to change, fix or save people! Clearly women who love d-bags have daddy issues. Those reasons make me cringe. I thought I had to settle and adopted exactly that same type of bullshit guess-some-things-never-change attitude.